Our Miracles--cont.

There we were about two weeks later. Sitting in the truck outside the doctor's office. I finally admitted to Matt that I had butterflies. Actually, that's an understatement. I had these 'butterflies' for the last two weeks. But now they were much more apparent. Now it was go time. Everything I had hoped for for so long came down to this. It could make me or break me. Literally. Matt urged me to get out of the truck. I couldn't. Not yet. I wasn't ready. ::DEEP BREATH:: With a lot of faith and a pep talk from my hubby we walked hand in hand into the doctor's office. I had never felt so close to him. He knew that this was important to me. It's amazing what it takes to make a man step up and be a man. He knew that this was one of those times I needed him and his support.

We sign in, sit down and thumb through a bunch of magazines in our anxious wait for our ultrasound. I just glanced at the car magazines Matt was looking at, because I had no desire at that time to look at the endless baby magazines which seemed to fill the room. "Bethany." Oh crap! that's me! My own name has never made me want to pee my pants so badly. ::another DEEP breath:: here we go. For those of you who don't know. I am a thinker. I really want to know what's going on. Everything is important and everythings a big deal in one way or another. So when you get to something like this with all its anticipation, yah, I was a little freaked out.

The nurse let me pee before the ultrasound, which was good because I would've anyway. Same room. The dark one in the corner. Same table I had sat on before. Same chair by my side. My heart was absolutely racing. It seemed like hours Matt and I waited in the dark for the nurse. In actuality it was only about 15 minutes. Here comes Tara with her small talk. At that point I didn't want to talk. I wanted quiet. Quiet until I knew. I think she got my drift.

The ultrasound machine came on and Matt was holding my hand. I felt like puking but didn't know if it was morning sickness or nerves. I told Tara about it to give her fair warning so I didnt puke on her. She started the scan and at first I wouldn't look. Then I looked. I couldnt take it anymore. SHEWW!! There was something there! THANK GOD!!!! I've never felt such relief in my life. (all of this was going in super slow motion. what seemed like 10 minutes was actually all within 30 seconds) I let out a deep breath that I felt like I had been holding forever. Wait a minute...what's that??? There's two sacs on that screen. No, I've got to be looking at it wrong. Tara chimed in.."Hah! you've got twins!" SILENCE. It was just me and the screen for what seemed like forever. Then I felt Matt squeeze my hand and I realized I probably ought to snap out of it. I looked at him for some kind of guidance. He smiled at me. He looked nervous, but was trying not to let it show. My mind was racing. How would we afford two? two of everything. I wasn't even out of nursing school yet. I would have to have a C-section. I was terrified of so much as the laughing gas at the dentist, and now I was going to have my belly cut open. (Probably shouldn't have watched that C-section the week before.) It was out of my control. I started bawling. I didn't know why. Just everything I guess. Overwhelmed. Here I thought I was unable to have even 1 baby and now I was going to have 2? I was sobbing and Tara said "let me go get doc and let him take a look." So she went to get the doctor and he looked at the screen (I was still crying.) he patted my leg and said, "it's a good thing!" I wasn't sure if it was or not. I mean, really. Me? why would God give ME the chance at this? I was nobody. At least in my mind I was. God had bigger plans for me. He wanted to show me I WAS somebody. Obviously to Him I was anyway, and he was trying to convince me of that fact.

The doctor looked at the screen and told Tara to zoom in. He said "is there even anything in that other sac?" Tara: "yah, right there." Dr.: "Oh now I see it. must not be as far along as you thought." There was no heart beats yet. I should have known. That would be too much closure for one day. I had to have something to worry about. :) Neither of my babies hearts were beating yet. I was about 5 and ahalf weeks along. my babies were about the size of a grain of rice. Dr.: "You know one of those could even disappear." Now damnit! stop messin with me. Dont tell me its a good thing and then tell me something like that.

The doctor left the room. I was so out of it that I didnt realize the ultrasound was over and I was still up in stirrups. the nurse was just looking at me like, "are you going to get down from there?" I'm sure that this wasn't the norm reaction, but I had everything planned out, and now it was shaken up a bit. The nurse told me to get dressed and meet her at the desk. She left the room and I looked at Matt after a few hesitating seconds. I go "Well?" he looked at me and said"Yes!" now I'm going to have two little riding buddies." Even at a time like this hes got the dirt bike on his mind. lol. This made me laugh. Next thing I know we were still standing in the dark ultrasound room and I was melted in his arms. I don't know how long, but I just needed to know it was going to be okay. It must have been too long for tara because she came back and said "you can come out now." So we followed her out of the room hand in hand just like we had walked in. She handed me the picture of our babies and told me what my due date was. November 15th, 2008. ::SIGH::

I was beginning to regain my composure by the time we made it to the receptionist. This was a good thing because I think I had scared enough people by this point. She said "congratulations" and I squeaked out a "Thank you" and off we went.

I sat in the truckin the same spot I had nervously sat just 45 minutes ago, thinking how so much had happened in that 45 minutes and how my life was going to be forever changed.